I have shared before the feeling of time.. seeming to fleet back and forth from old memories to current situations.. been around long enough now to see the same movies redone over four times.. same music mixed into new music.. some fashion trends repeated. thankful not all of them.. eighties music is cool.. but aside washed jeans.. please..
I have gotten the point. Forgive me.. anyway.. time fleeting.. feeling of repetition and time moving quickly.. both backwards and forwards.. Dreams and virtual realities add to the feelings.. my youth sometimes rears her ugly head and reminds me where i came from..
Today i received from my father.. my moms divorce papers, her death certificates. along with family pics and paperwork from various marriages, divorces and death.. tears and regrets filled my heart at first..
Reading the paperwork took me back to a different time in life.. A time where you checked Legitimate or Not on a birth certificate. A place where you were married and had children at 16 or younger... A place where my past sprang from.. Secrets keep secret for decades.. Now all unfolding.. as I look at the old yellowed certificates..
Grateful for the life i was given.. Grateful for the lives lost along the way.. Grateful that all this has happened and brought me to this point in my life. Hopefully there is something that can be learned from all of it. Besides that repeating it over and over again probably isn't a good idea.
The older I have become the more aware of the repeats I am witnessing.. Perhaps it is the natural cycle of life.. a circle.. But perhaps it is more related to how painful remembering our past mistakes are. That we ignore the lessons learned and repeat the process of learning it over again.